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About Me
Hey! I'm so glad you stopped by. I'm Lyn- wife, mother, writer, speaker, and yes- a former beauty queen. But don't let the title fool you, I'm just a country girl saved by a Grace I don't fully understand. I write about the journey with that amazing Grace here and I'd be delighted for you to join me.
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Tag Archives: fear
My Ebenezer
I’ve been doing some soul digging. {Hence my brief absence.} I have walked into the basement of my own heart and surveyed the contents.
There is some stuff that has to go.
I love these photographs. I can almost feel the girls squeezing me tight. But there’s another memory.
Connie came over to take photos of my girls that summer day for a local children’s shop. We painted fingernails and brushed their hair just right. I watched as they posed and twirled and smiled for the camera.
I didn’t expect to be photographed with them.
Connie asked me to sit down with the girls on our front stoop while she took some candid shots. I was horrified. I squirmed and tried to wiggle out of it. You know, smiling politely and faking humility but on the inside dying of embarrassment!
I did NOT want to be photographed. For crying out loud, I wasn’t fixed right. {All you Southern girls know what I mean by that.} I mean, you could look at my face and tell that I didn’t have on any makeup. Ok, maybe a little mascara, but my hair wasn’t combed right. I was barefoot in old jeans.
Oh…did Connie ever catch me off guard! And when she did, she unearthed something buried deep.
Fear. Fear of what others think of me. Fear of rejection. All kinds of fear.
Fear has been nipping at my heels and gnawing at my insides for most of my life. It’s what has driven me to be…be…be… and do… do… do…
It’s the force behind striving, drivenness and performance. It tells you that you’re not good enough, smart enough and pretty enough.
Never enough.
Fear robs. It steals our joy. It has to go.
All these years later, the photos have never been developed. I think it’s time to have them blown up.
In the Old Testament, when the Lord delivered Israel from their enemies, they would lay down a stone as a memorial of what the Lord had done. An Ebenezer.
Now Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, and the Philistines drew near to battle against Israel. But the Lord thundered with a great thunder on that day against the Philistines and confused them, so that they were routed before Israel. The men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and struck them down as far as below Beth-car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued and they did not come anymore within the border of Israel. And the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel.
1 Samuel 7:10-13 NASB
This is mine. I’m setting it down right here.
Linking up with Jennifer over here…
A Confession and a Giveaway ~
I have a chronic illness. It isn’t life threatening, but it looms large in my day to day. At times, it is all encompassing.
It steals. Joy. Time. It distracts. Pain and discomfort draw me away from priorities, purpose and peace.
This thorn has been my constant companion for almost a year. If I’m not careful, it could take over.
On that day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took Him with them in the boat, just as He was. And other boats were with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke Him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
Mark 4:35-41 ESV
Some days are better than others. But the bad days are much like the “waves breaking in”, all things pointing to despair and certain drowning. But I can choose. I can stare at the condition of the boat and the severity of the storm, or I can cry out to the One sleeping in the stern. The One who is master of wind and sea.
Have I trusted Him as master? I ask myself often. It brings me back to the bedrock of my faith.
When we sing “I surrender all”, do we mean it? Do I?
I think it comes down to this: If Christ is in charge, then I am not. My part is to surrender the wheel.
I’ve been reading “Made to Crave”, by Lysa TerKeurst. I love this book for so many reasons. Lysa has a warmth in her writing that makes her seem like a friend. She writes candidly about her struggle with food, which most of us can relate to, but this book certainly applies to all kinds of struggles. For me, it reminds me to keep my eyes on Jesus when everything else shouts for attention. It encourages me to meditate on God’s word instead of fixating on my problems, whatever they may be.
Lysa has so graciously sent a signed copy of her book for me to give away. All you have to do to enter to win is click here and put in your email address when you get there.
