[first]The words leap off the page and come alive before me. I have read them a hundred times over the years, but this time they take on a new dimension.[/first]
I read them again aloud and my voice breaks for the beauty…
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Romans 5:1-2
Such incredible words…justified…peace…access. Done for us by One who offered Himself as a perfect sacrifice. To make a way for us.
For us. The far-off ones. The outsiders.
Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called “the uncircumcision” by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands— remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone,in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.
We, who could never get this life-thing right. Or do right. Or be right.
We have been given a Savior who is the Way. God’s own Son takes us by the hand and escorts us straight into the throne room of Grace. To the Father.
And by this Way we are made children of the living God.Family.
I was blessed to have a close relationship with my grandmother. We lived next door to her for most of my life. I wore a dirt path from our back door to my grandmother’s back porch. I was her constant shadow.
Most afternoons I would find her sitting in her chair, which was a perfect opportunity for me to plop down at her feet and lay my head in her lap. I would get in just the right position for her to stroke my hair and after a few minutes, all my cares would melt away.
This is the access we have with God the Father. This intimacy. This closeness. This affection. This favor.
How then does God become my Father? According to the Scriptures it is like this. Christ ‘came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power (i.e., authority) to become the sons of God’ (John 1:11, 12). You become a child of God only when you are born again. . . . Believing in [Christ], we receive a new life and nature and we become children of God. Then we can know that God is our Father; but not until then. He will also give us His Holy Spirit, ‘the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father’; and the moment we know this we can be certain that God as our Father adopts a specific attitude with respect to us. It means that, as my Father, He is interested in me, that He is concerned about me, that He is watching over me, that He has a plan and purpose with respect to me, that He is desirous always to bless and to help me. Lay hold of that; take a firm grasp of that. Whatever may happen to you, God is your Father. . . .
~ Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Studies in the Sermon on the Mount Volume 2
His door is always open. He waits for us to come and lay our heads in His lap. To melt into His embrace.
Into this scandalous, marvelous Grace.
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Over the years, I have been touched by the stories of other Christian women. Women who live out their convictions in ordinary and sometimes, extraordinary circumstances. Their faith encourages me, challenges me and stirs me to keeping pressing on. For Christ.
Today marks the first in a series of posts about women with unique stories to tell, but who share a common theme. To live a life of faith.
I’d like to introduce you to Jennifer Westbrook, a mother from Texas. Here is her story…
On September 20, 2011 I was starting my last patient of the day. I’m a dental hygienist. I was gushing over my new baby, Austin, to my patient. It was my first day of my 5th week back at work. I got a call from our sitter’s husband and he said “my baby quit breathing”, and that the fire department was there. I told him I’d be right there and rushed out. I drove there as fast as I could crying and pleading with God not to take him back, please don’t take him back. I called my husband and told him Austin quit breathing.
I beat the paramedics to our sitter’s house. As I pulled up and got out of the car she came running out of the front door, saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!!” I thought she was telling me he was dead. I cannot describe the feeling of horror and disbelief I felt in that moment. We went inside, and I braced myself to see my baby being worked on by paramedics. I could barely see him through all of the paramedics. He was not moving. So tiny. It was his 3-month birthday. They took him to the ambulance and he started trying to cry in short spaced out yelps. We took it as a good sign…then the paramedics asked me if he had a history of seizures. I said no, and neither did we. He had one on the short drive to the Abilene Regional Medical Center. When we arrived, my husband, Chris met us there, along with our daughter Audrey and many of our wonderful friends, my bosses, and our Abilene family.
They did a CT scan and an X-ray and told us that there was fluid on his brain, and pressure was building in his head. It was swelling up and rock hard. I asked why this was happening, but they said they weren’t positive without further tests, and that they weren’t equipped to treat him. They called Cook Children’s Hospital in Fort Worth to care flight him there. The helicopter trip from Fort Worth to Abilene was 1 hour. They couldn’t do anything for him, so they told me to lay next to him on the bed and try to comfort him. His crying hadn’t stopped. It had turned into a low growl. He was in so much pain. The flight team finally got there and started trying to get an IV, but he was dying. His organs were shutting down and his veins were constricted. His skin was mottled. And I couldn’t breathe. They were asking us if one of us wanted to ride in the helicopter with him. I couldn’t think. Chris would drive with Audrey. I didn’t want to leave Austin. I couldn’t breathe. My friend Lisa had to tell me I could drive, or fly, and both WERE OK choices to make. So I chose to step away from the situation. Get my head on straight and ride with Chris. They were still working on Austin to put in an IV, and could not take him until they got one. When Chris and I walked out of the ER, our friends had packed our bags, someone had picked up food and a little cooler of drinks, and it was all packed into our car. My boss, Dr. Christie handed me a hundred bucks cash to have on hand and hugged me. We took off. Lisa stayed behind with Austin to keep me updated.
During all this time at the hospital, the sitter, Kara, kept texting me asking if Austin was ok. I would say “he had a seizure” and she would say “but he is going to be ok, right? He is still crying, right?” I asked her if she could think of anything that happened during the day to his head. She said no. Her story originally, was that she was giving him his bottle, and her girls were getting loud in the bedroom so she propped him on a pillow on the couch and went to calm them down. When she came back, he was turning blue. She thought maybe he spit up and choked on it.
Lisa told me that they were calling this “non-accidental head trauma”. She told me they thought he was shaken. I texted Kara and told her what the doctors said and asked her again if anything had happened to Austin’s head. Her story completely changed. So then we knew without question that she had done something, but I still thought it was an accident of some kind and she was scared to tell me what really happened. I would soon find out that it was no accident, and it had happened before.
After about an hour on the road, Lisa called to tell me they finally did the IV and were about to take off. We arrived at exactly the same time they did. We were taken to a small room to wait. After 45 minutes or so, doctors started coming in to update us. The neurosurgeon sat down and told us there was bleeding and fluid on his brain, and there was evidence of older blood on the CT scan. We asked what that meant, and he said it meant that there was an older injury, as well as what had happened that day. He did not offer us much hope, except that his coloring had improved since he had been there. Before he finished, a caseworker came in and sat down. She told us that Kara had been taken to the police station, questioned, and had admitted to shaking Austin and was in jail. We were in shock. Everything points to the worst but you still don’t want to believe it. It was 11:30pm by this point. They took us to see him, and he was intubated, tubes and wires everywhere. My parents got there around 2 am. We were up, not knowing what to do with ourselves until about 4:30 am. Slept 30 minutes. Woke up to a feeling of disbelief. And the next days ran together. I found out 3 days later from a friend who read the article in the newspaper that Kara “shook him twice, and threw him on a couch”. She threw my baby. I started sobbing uncontrollably. The next day she bailed out of jail on a $50,000 bond. I didn’t want to tell Chris. I wanted to shelter him. But, he already knew and wanted to protect me. We quit trying to keep things from each other after that. At that point, I decided that I wanted to focus on my son and his recovery.
I did not want to spend time or energy on anything else.
My only focus was to pray for 100% restoration for Austin. My first prayers were simple. “God, fix my baby that Kara broke.”
I learned about Austin from a friend who follows his progress on Facebook. I asked Jennifer a few questions…
What prompted you to create a FB page for Austin?
I didn’t create the page. Chris’ cousin created it to help us keep everyone updated. They would take the updates I posted on my personal Facebook page and copy them to Austin’s page. They also monitored the page for any negativity and cruelty and deleted comments as necessary. After a couple of weeks, they backed off on the page and gave Chris and me control of it. The story hit the media hard and even made national news briefly, so the page grew fast, and still grows steadily. I know I have a responsibility to represent myself and the Lord well, and I have done my best to be truthful and sometimes, very raw.
Early on, you stated on your Facebook page that you wanted to keep the conversation geared towards Austin’s recovery and prayer. You said you did not want to place focus on the abuser or discuss the abuse. Can you tell us a little bit about why you made this decision? And how did you have the strength to let it all go and focus on Austin?
It was not out of strength at all, but out of weakness. I was so broken, scared, lost. I knew I could not deal with people focusing on Kara, and reading constant negativity and bashing. I knew I needed an uplifting place to post his updates and to receive encouragement and reassurance. I still feel fragile, and when I do get the occasional negative page member, I find myself answering their questions factually and shortly, but I shut the conversation down pretty quickly. I just can’t dwell there. What’s done is done, I can’t change it. The only thing I want to focus on and put energy into is the One who can heal Austin.
As mothers, we have to trust other people to help us with our children when we work or have other commitments. How do you deal with the flood of emotions that came from this tragedy and how will you trust anyone with your children again?
I don’t have issues with trusting my children to other people after this. I know that this is not someone reasonable that did this, and I know that not everyone has such horrible intentions. Austin does have separation anxiety now, and I worry more about him being upset or stressed than I do about someone abusing him. I have never left my children with someone I did not trust. I did trust her. I knew her for 3 years and she took care of Audrey for 2 1/2 years before this. All I can do is make the best decisions I can for my kids day to day, one decision at a time. But I will not live in fear.
Is there a particular verse that has encouraged you during this difficult season?
Our life group leader gave Psalm 91 to us when he came to visit. We read through it, and then began reading it over Austin. On the third day at Cook Hospital, Austin was having a very long seizure, through the meds and the rescue meds. Chris’ brother started reading Psalm 91 over him. He seized all the way through the entire chapter. As the last word was spoken, his seizure stopped. He didn’t have any more seizures like that again.
We also love the scripture from Romans:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV
Do you think it’s possible to forgive someone for unimaginable evil? How do you do it?
I do. I prayed for a year for help with this. A couple of strong motivators were that many verses that talk about healing begin with talking about forgiveness, leading me to believe that forgiveness was a big key to Austin’s healing. Well I would do anything… anything for that. Also, I realized that Kara is just a person. She is someone that let Satan get a strong foothold in her life. She let him take control of her emotions and life. That was her biggest crime. This realization helped me to direct my anger at the source of this: Satan. After a lot of prayer and meditation on these things, I was able to release her. I have reached what I believe is an acceptable form of forgiveness. I am not bitter and I do not seek any kind of revenge through the court system or any other way. I have released her.
[first]The fire is warm and we sit around after dinner watching old home movies. I see my husband for the first time as a chubby little toddler, a shoot ‘em up cowboy, and an architect of whole cities made of sand. In one scene I watch my father-in-law scoop up my husband and his brother and cover their heads with kisses. I can hardly watch for the tears stinging my eyes. My father-in-law was larger than life. He left a legacy of integrity, character, and devotion to family that is rarity. I miss his hugs. His words of wisdom. Him.[/first]
As I wash dishes and tidy up the kitchen, I think of the standard my father-in-law set. He did such a good job. I’m not sure I measure up.
I fall short. Daily. Continuously. As a wife, mother, daughter, friend…Christian, I fall short.
Isn’t that why Christ came?
Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”
Matthew 1:18-21
God, who created the Universe, took the form of a baby and came down to us. The fallen ones. Because He loved us. Loves us.
He exchanged Glory for a smelly animal shelter. He took on all the limits and frustrations of flesh and bone. Hunger. Sickness. Death. He was nailed to a Roman cross… all for us.
It is an incomprehensible Love. I can hardly grasp it.
It is the love of a holy, perfect Father who scoops us up and covers us… with grace. With mercy. With kisses.
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So honored to join with friends at Crosswalk. Won’t you come on over!
These days are filled commotion and excitement. A long to-do list vies for my attention. There are gifts to be shipped {which, incidentally, will not be arriving on time}. Cards to be mailed. Presents to be wrapped. Laundry to be done. Kids. Work. And a loved one lying in a hospital bed several hours away that I want to visit. I am pulled in a thousand directions. And there aren’t enough hours in the day.
Time slips away as I scratch through the checklist. Prayers are lifted up in fragments as I go from point A to point B. Amid all the hustle and bustle I sense a vacancy within me. And then a faint voice. A call from another Place. An invitation from my Beloved.
My heart longs for the One whose robes are “fragrant with myrrh, aloes and cassia”. The vacancy reminds me. I need time. Space to recline into Him. To be filled again.
Thou hast given a banner to them that fear Thee, that it may be displayed because of the truth.
Psalm 60:4;
After this glorious word about the banner, there is a Selah. If the word there was the sign for a sounding of trumpets, a shout of triumph, then the thought is praise before we see the victory; but I think it may possibly be the other kind of Selah, the sign for a Pause, even in the thick of the fight. This at least is the kind we must often have if we are to go on to do valiantly; and sometimes I wonder if there is anything else the devil contests with greater determination. The moment we set ourselves to be quiet and seek our God in stillness, there is a clamor about us; we remember things we should do, or have forgotten to do; we are disturbed in a hundred ways—anything to break into that Selah. All this is simply proof of how much it matters that we should have it. It would not be so contested if it did not matter. There is a kind of comfort in this.
So let us take heart and not give way, and not be discouraged, even though, like the old Puritan, we are “some time in getting access”. We have a God who understands.
Amy Carmichael
Excerpt from “Thou givest, They gather”
O God, You are always calling us. Waiting for us. Stir our hearts to fly to You. Speak over the noise of our frenzied existence and give us ears to hear You. Move our feet to run to You. Fix our gaze upon Your beauty. Envelop us in Your mighty arms. For You, above all things, are our Beloved. And we, whether we know it or not, are desperate for You. In the most precious name of Jesus, Amen.
So honored to join with friends at Crosswalk. Won’t you come on over!
But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah, who are too little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose origin is from of old, from the ancient of days. Therefore he shall give them up until the time when she is in labor has given birth; then the rest of his brothers shall return to the people of Israel. And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD, in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God. And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth. And he shall be there peace.
Micah 5:2-5 ESV
[first]O little town of Bethlehem… The words are so familiar. Bethlehem was a small town in the hill country of Judah. Too little to be among the clans of Judah. A small town of little significance and yet, the birthplace of King David. Perhaps the least likely place fit for a king.[/first]
God seems to love the leastlikelies of this world.
Many years before Micah prophesied these words, there was a young boy tending sheep in Bethlehem. He was the youngest son of Jesse (1 Samuel 16:1-13) and the least likely of Jesse’s eight sons to rule over anything. But God chose him to rule Israel.
Then Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all your sons here?” And he said, “There remains yet the youngest, but behold, he is keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and get him, for we will not sit down till he comes here.” And he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome. And the LORD said, “Arise, anoint him, for this is he.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the LORD rushed upon David from that day forward.
1 Samuel 16:11-13 ESV
From David’s descendants another King would come. From you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose origin is from of old, from the ancient of days. He wouldn’t come in pomp and circumstance. Not at all in the manner He was expected. No fanfare. No palace.
He was born in a manger. Perhaps the least likely place fit for a King. Against the backdrop of a stable, God became flesh. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Swaddled and cradled in hay was the Ancient of Days.
Do I look for Him there? In the small, insignificant places? In humble faces? Do I see Him in the leastlikelies of this world?
O God, quicken my heart to You. Open my eyes to see You even when and where I least expect to find You. Strip me of all judgment and teach me Your everlasting ways. Train the eyes of my heart so that I don’t miss the miracle that is You. In Your most precious name I pray, Jesus, Amen.
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[first]We take the elevator down to the 2nd floor in the wee hours of the morning to look for a lost prayer journal. The one provided for each attendee at the Allume conference.
We search the table and it’s not there.[/first]
The journals were in a room set aside for prayer during the conference. We could go in at any time and write in someone’s journal or pray in the quiet. I went in once and wrote a few lines, but I was in a hurry. Rushing to get a good seat at the next class.
I don’t know if my friend found her journal. But as I drove home from the conference, thoughts of searching for it made me realize that we all ache for a personal word. A connection. We want to matter to someone.
I should have spent more time in the prayer room.
Instead of chasing blessings at break-neck speed, I should have spent more time being one.
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
Romans 12: 9-13 ESV
So many women touched my heart at Allume. I’m not sure I told them.
How strange it is that I pray for God to use me and I don’t see the opportunities right in front of me. I pray for God to send me, and I am already there!
I don’t want to miss it anymore. I want to be fully engaged right where I am. Wherever that is.
The mission is in the moment. This moment.
Be. All. There.
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The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee. He found Phillip and said to him “Follow me.” Now Phillip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. Phillip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Phillip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!” Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Phillip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathanael answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”
John 1:43-51
[first]I’d love to know what happened under that fig tree.[/first]
Nathanael wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. It was common practice for Jewish men to meditate on the Law under fig trees to escape the heat of the sun. But this sacred respite must have been altogether different. The day before, Jesus decided to leave Bethany across the Jordan(where John the Baptist was) to go to Galilee. It would appear that He was en route to the wedding in Cana. But the wedding was three days away. Why would Jesus arrive early? Perhaps Phillip and Nathanael had something to do with it.
“Decided” is translated from the Greek word “thelo“. It means “to will; not only willing something, but also pressing on to action; in the New Testament it denotes elective inclination, love.”
Jesus decided to go to Galilee…
I do not believe Jesus’ decision to go to Galilee three days early was accidental or mere coincidence. I believe it was pointed and purposeful. Everything He says or does is rife with meaning.He speaks and galaxies form. Planets spin. Waters divide. Light appears. His touch heals. His gaze transforms.
The first thing we are told is that Jesus finds Phillip. Then Phillip finds Nathanael.
An Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit.
The Greek word used for “deceit” is “dolos“. It is sometimes translated “guile, trick, deceit, an attempt to mislead or bait others by telling lies”.
I can’t help but wonder if Nathanael poured his heart out to God under those branches. Confessing. Laying his soul bear. Purely. And the One who rewards those who seek Him came to the one without guile.
Before Phillip called you…When you were under the fig tree…I saw you.
Before. Before we know it. Before we feel it. He is always before.
O LORD, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high and I cannot attain it.
Psalm 139:1-6
The Grace of God came to Nathanael that day. And He comes for you and me. Still. I hope He finds us under the fig tree.
Linking up with the lovely Laura…
So blessed and excited to head up to Pennsylvania today!
Come bless the LORD, all you servants of the LORD, who stand by night in the house of the LORD! Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the LORD! May the LORD bless you from Zion, He who made heaven and earth!
Psalm 134
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Hey! I'm so glad you stopped by. I'm Lyn- wife, mother, writer, speaker, and yes- a former beauty queen. But don't let the title fool you, I'm just a country girl saved by a Grace I don't fully understand. I write about the journey with that amazing Grace here and I'd be delighted for you to join me.
[first]The words leap off the page and come alive before me. I have read them a hundred times over the years, but this time they take on a new dimension.[/first]
