There is some stuff that has to go.

I love these photographs. I can almost feel the girls squeezing me tight. But there’s another memory.

Connie came over to take photos of my girls that summer day for a local children’s shop. We painted fingernails and brushed their hair just right. I watched as they posed and twirled and smiled for the camera.

I didn’t expect to be photographed with them.

Connie asked me to sit down with the girls on our front stoop while she took some candid shots. I was horrified. I squirmed and tried to wiggle out of it. You know, smiling politely and faking humility but on the inside dying of embarrassment!

I did NOT want to be photographed.  For crying out loud, I wasn’t fixed right. {All you Southern girls know what I mean by that.}  I mean, you could look at my face and tell that I didn’t have on any makeup.  Ok, maybe a little mascara, but my hair wasn’t combed right. I was barefoot in old jeans.

Oh…did Connie ever catch me off guard!  And when she did, she unearthed something buried deep.

Fear.  Fear of what others think of me.  Fear of rejection.  All kinds of fear.

Fear has been nipping at my heels and gnawing at my insides for most of my life.  It’s what has driven me to be…be…be… and do… do… do…

It’s the force behind striving, drivenness and performance. It tells you that you’re not good enough, smart enough and pretty enough.

Never enough.

Fear robs. It steals our joy. It has to go.

All these years later, the photos have never been developed. I think it’s time to have them blown up.

In the Old Testament, when the Lord delivered Israel from their enemies, they would lay down a stone as a memorial of what the Lord had done. An Ebenezer.

Now Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, and the Philistines drew near to battle against Israel. But the Lord thundered with a great thunder on that day against the Philistines and confused them, so that they were routed before Israel. The men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and struck them down as far as below Beth-car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued and they did not come anymore within the border of Israel. And the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel.

1 Samuel 7:10-13 NASB

This is mine. I’m setting it down right here.

Linking up with Jennifer over here…

Today, my heart breaks and spills with gratitude for the One who paid my debt…

Linking up with Sandy today..

There were giants in the land.

At the end of forty days they returned from spying out the land. And they came to Moses and Aaron and to all the congregation of the people of Israel in the wilderness of Paran, at Kadesh. They brought back word to them and to all the congregation, and showed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, “We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan.”

But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.” Then the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are.” So they brought to the people of Israel a bad report of the land that they had spied out, saying, “The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.

Numbers 13:25-33

What? This is the Promised Land? It was like a minefield! There were enemies everywhere. The Amalekites would be the welcoming committee, and Israel had enjoyed their delightful company before! (Exodus 17:8-13) The Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites were in the mountains and the Canaanites lived to the east and west. They would be surrounded. Entering this land would be dangerous and possession would be impossible. All but two of the spies were scared to death! They saw themselves totally unequal to the task.

Grasshoppers.

I get it. I feel the same way. Unequal to the task.

I mean, I want faith like Caleb and Joshua. I really do. But at this very moment, I can’t seem to maintain more than a nanosecond of bravery. These days my faith waivers and more often than not, I am hit with overwhelming, sometimes crippling, fear.

A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and six months later, chronic Lyme disease. Both of these conditions rear their heads almost daily. My joints throb and there are days when I can’t get off the couch. But of all the symptoms, the one that is most debilitatiing is my allergies to certain chemicals. It’s like doing battle with an invisible enemy. I never know when or where they are coming after me. And when they do, my heart starts to race, I can’t think clearly and I get short of breath.

Recently I’ve noticed that I’m constantly policing my environment. I’m always on the lookout for a potential offender because the reaction is so uncomfortable. It is physically and emotionally draining.

I can’t imagine living the rest of my life this way. The thought of it makes me panic.

I am like the 10 spies.

I feel small. Powerless. Defeated.

And yet God says “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness”. (2 Peter 1:3)

So which is it? Is victory really possible?

Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan.

Joshua 4:17

They are passing over. Into Canaan. A lot happened between Numbers 13 and Joshua 4, but God faithfully brought His people into the land He promised them.

It was not easy. There were more battles that followed. But as Israel obeyed God, He delivered them.  One battle at a time.

I believe it is the same for us on this side of the cross. Our battles might be hard won, but they are won— in little victories. Day by day. Perhaps moment by moment.

I have a dear friend who is a recovering alcoholic. He told me once that in the beginning of his sobriety, he couldn’t imagine being sober the rest of his life. The thought of it was overwhelming, but he could go without drinking until the next AA meeting. He went to several meetings a day at first until one day it was only one a week. He’s been sober 21 years.

I am praying for Joshua-size faith and to take it one battle at a time.

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:18 NASB

Linking up with Michelle today. Come on over and join us!

(Photo at top of post courtesy of Creative Commons)

For the past few days, everything has seemed daunting. I feel like I’m climbing uphill in all that I do. I feel defeated at home and at work.

Early this morning I read these words and they brought such comfort.

“They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”          

Isaiah 40:31

Yes, “they shall mount up with wings as eagles”. You know what eagles’ wings mean. The eagle is the king of birds, it soars the highest into the heavens. Believers are to live a heavenly life, in the very Presence and Love and Joy of God.  They are to live where God lives; they need God’s strength to rise there. To them that wait on Him it shall be given.

You know how the eagles’ wings are obtained. Only in one way – by the eagle’s birth. You are born of God. You have the eagle’s wings. You may not have known it; you may not have used them; but God can and will teach you to use them.

You know how the eagles are taught the use of their wings. See yonder cliff rising a thousand feet out of the sea. See high up a ledge on the rock, where there is an eagle’s nest with its treasure of two young eaglets. See the mother bird come and stir up her nest, and with her beak push the timid birds over the precipice. See how they flutter and fall and sink toward the depth.  See now (Deut. 32:11) “how she fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings”, and so, as they ride upon her wings, brings them to a place of safety. And so she does once and again, each time casting them out over the precipice, and then again taking and carrying them.  “So the Lord alone did lead them.” Yes, the instinct of that eagle mother was God’s gift, a single ray of that love in which the Almighty trains His people to mount as on eagle’s wings.

He stirs up your nest. He disappoints your hopes. He brings down your confidence.  He makes you fear and tremble, as all your strength fails, and you feel utterly weary and helpless.  And all the while He is spreading His strong wings for you to rest your weakness on, and offering His everlasting Creator-strength to work in you.  And all He asks is that you should sink down in your weariness and wait on Him; and allow Him in His Jehovah-strength to carry as you ride upon the wings of His Omnipotence.

Dear child of God! I pray you, lift up your eyes, and behold your God! Listen to Him who saith that He fainteth not, neither is weary, who promiseth that you too shall not faint or be weary, who asketh nought but this one thing, that you should wait on Him.  And let your answer be, With such a God, so mighty, so faithful, so tender,

“My soul, wait thou only upon God!”

-Andrew Murray, Waiting on God

After I read my bible each morning,  I read a portion from the great saints who have gone before us. I think of them as that “great cloud of witnesses” cheering us on from above. Their words encourage and inspire me in my daily walk. I hope this reading does the same for you, dear friend.

I have a chronic illness. It isn’t life threatening, but it looms large in my day to day. At times, it is all encompassing.

It steals. Joy. Time. It distracts. Pain and discomfort draw me away from priorities, purpose and peace.

This thorn has been my constant companion for almost a year. If I’m not careful, it could take over.

On that day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took Him with them in the boat, just as He was. And other boats were with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke Him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

Mark 4:35-41 ESV

Some days are better than others. But the bad days are much like the “waves breaking in”, all things pointing to despair and certain drowning. But I can choose. I can stare at the condition of the boat and the severity of the storm, or I can cry out to the One sleeping in the stern. The One who is master of wind and sea.

Have I trusted Him as master?  I ask myself often.  It brings me back to the bedrock of my faith.

When we sing “I surrender all”, do we mean it?  Do I?

I think it comes down to this: If Christ is in charge, then I am not. My part is to surrender the wheel.

I’ve been reading “Made to Crave”, by Lysa TerKeurst. I love this book for so many reasons. Lysa has a warmth in her writing that makes her seem like a friend. She writes candidly about her struggle with food, which most of us can relate to, but this book certainly applies to all kinds of struggles. For me, it reminds me to keep my eyes on Jesus when everything else shouts for attention. It encourages me to meditate on God’s word instead of fixating on my problems, whatever they may be.

Lysa has so graciously sent a signed copy of her book for me to give away. All you have to do to enter to win is click here and put in your email address when you get there.

This week has been all pink and red. Candy hearts and candlelight. Poems and platitudes.

But I can’t get this real Love off my mind.   This Love that sticks close.   That moves, transforms and burns in my heart.  Always calling me. Drawing me.

This Love that came down for me.  So that I … even I … could come in.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

Come on over and join us!

Linking with Sandy over here…

And Deidra over here…

I wasn’t prepared for that day. Those days. When they laid you in my arms. And all the days after.

How does a flawed Mama raise her babies well?

I didn’t know that having you would rip down walls I had carefully propped up around my heart.

I wasn’t prepared for this wild love.

How does an imperfect woman love her children? Imperfectly, I’m afraid. But constantly and fervently.

I watch you both. Almost grown. And I miss the days of ponytails and fingernails. Of glitter and glue. I miss snuggling and bedtime stories. I miss your sleeping breath on my skin. I miss catching fireflies under summer stars and “sing me another one, Mama”. I miss all of it.

This is a new season. No more twirling in the yard or hosting tea parties with dollies. You are on the threshold of your own road and I pray that you hold tightly to the things that matter most.

Life can be hard. Difficult seasons may tempt you to see the world through a distorted lens of bitter. The enemy may lure you with a bucket list of wants and must-haves and gotta-gets. It’s a slippery slope right down to empty and unsatisfied. The antidote is thanksgiving. Cultivate a habit of gratefulness.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Even when they don’t deserve it. Even when you don’t feel like it. Forgive. It’s not a feeling. It’s a decision. I believe it is a decision that thwarts the devil’s schemes. We disarm him when we extend forgiveness.  When we hold a grudge, we are engaging in a tug-of-war, struggling against the rope, pulling and straining. But if we release the rope, the game is over. We walk away free and the door is opened to fresh blessing.  I am always amazed by the move of God when I forgive.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

Like forgiveness, love is a choice. An action. Lead with it. Always. Even if they don’t love you back. Love them anyway. When you love those who hurt you, you break through into that other world. You do what is seemingly impossible as a human being, but so possible to those who belong to Christ. He is love itself. It is His very language.  When you choose to love, you reflect Jesus. Ask Him to make you an instrument of love.

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Luke 6:32-36

Whenever you can. Wherever you can. We were created for this. You don’t have to look too far to find a place where you can be a blessing. Right where you are you can offer a smile or a word of encouragement. The world is starved for kindness.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:8-10

The heart is tricky. It is unsteady. It will mislead you. It is deceitful. The world will tell you to follow it. Follow Christ instead. Till the soil of your heart with what’s true and good and steadfast.  Sow His Word into your hearts. It will heal wounds and mend brokenness and will equip you for the road ahead.

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight;
keep them within your heart.
 For they are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:20-23

I don’t know why God gifted me with you. I’m so glad He did. Happy Valentine’s Day, my darling girls.

Your Mama loves you.

(Photos courtesy of Fox Mountain Photography)

Things were not going according to plan.

Moses had witnessed divine pyrotechnics, jaw-dropping supernatural phenomena and heard God’s voice.

God promised him that He would deliver Israel out of bondage.

Then the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings,and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites.”

Exodus 3:7-8

Was God’s plan somehow going awry?

Afterward Moses and Aaron went and said to Pharaoh, “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Let my people go, that they may hold a feast to me in the wilderness.’” But Pharaoh said, “Who is the Lord, that I should obey his voice and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord, and moreover, I will not let Israel go.” Then they said, “The God of the Hebrews has met with us. Please let us go a three days’ journey into the wilderness that we may sacrifice to the Lord our God, lest he fall upon us with pestilence or with the sword.” But the king of Egypt said to them, “Moses and Aaron, why do you take the people away from their work? Get back to your burdens.” And Pharaoh said, “Behold, the people of the land are now many, and you make them rest from their burdens!” The same day Pharaoh commanded the taskmasters of the people and their foremen, “You shall no longer give the people straw to make bricks, as in the past; let them go and gather straw for themselves. But the number of bricks that they made in the past you shall impose on them, you shall by no means reduce it, for they are idle.

Exodus 5:1-8

Pharaoh became angrier. Work became harder. Torturous. The Israelites were more discouraged than ever. Moses looked like a fool.

How do you keep moving forward when the horizon looks bleak? When you lose hope?

How do you hang on to a promise when Doubt whispers in your ear? When you’re sick? And weary?

It’s been his agenda since the garden. The Serpent, that is. Spinning tales of doubt and confusion. He speaks through Pharaohs. Illness. Financial crisis. Prodigal children. He causes us to question the goodness of God. The faithfulness of God.

“Did God really say?”

“ Is He really good?”

“ Maybe He’s busy. Maybe you’re not on His priority list. Maybe…maybe…”

It’s an ancient strategy that has garnered tremendous results, except… except on those who choose to believe God. Against all odds …against circumstances that point to disaster…against a sinking feeling of despair…there are those who wait on the Lord.

How are we to wait when we long for relief?

And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Exodus 14:13-14

We are to wait like Moses.

We don’t give way to fear though it threatens to undo us. We grip God’s promises, if only by our fingernails, and hold on for dear life to His faithfulness.

We stand firm. We dig our heels into position. Not running ahead or turning back. We actively stay put.

We watch with eyes wide open. Expectantly. Full of hope. Always aware that our Deliverer is coming.

And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left…. Thus the LORD saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians…

Exodus 14:22,30

If salvation indeed comes from God, and is entirely His work, just as our creation was, it follows, as a matter of course, that our first and highest duty is to wait on Him to do that work that pleases Him. Waiting becomes then the only way to the experience of a full salvation, the only way, truly, to know God as the God of our salvation.

Andrew Murray, Waiting on God

They had been to the mountaintop. They saw Jesus glow with the radiance of God. They saw Moses and Elijah talking with Jesus. They heard the voice of God.

I wonder if they thought they knew how God’s marvelous plan would unfold.

And as they were coming down the mountain, he charged them to tell no one what they had seen, until the Son of Man had risen from the dead. So they kept the matter to themselves, questioning what this rising from the dead might mean. And they asked him, “Why do the scribes say that first Elijah must come?” And he said to them, “Elijah does come first to restore all things. And how is it written of the Son of Man that he should suffer many things and be treated with contempt? But I tell you that Elijah has come, and they did to him whatever they pleased, as it is written of him.”

Mark 9:9-13

As Jews, Peter, James and John had been indoctrinated in rabbinic tradition. They believed the Messiah would come in might and power. Spectacular pomp and circumstance!

They were expecting a Messiah to deliver them from the tyranny of Rome. Not a Savior that would suffer! They were awaiting a great King to establish a vast kingdom. A superhero to save the day, right the wrongs and stomp out the oppressors.

Jesus is not what they expected.

They knew the writings of the prophets. That’s why they asked about Elijah.

Did they forget the writings of the prophet Isaiah?

He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces. He was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,and with his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:3-5

Did they close their eyes to the things that seemed distasteful or even painful? Or were they blinded because of their own desires?

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I am not so different from Peter, James and John. I want all God has in the way of gifts, blessing, and victory, but I balk at His methods. I want the glorious mountaintop, not the dark valley. I want popularity, not ridicule and rejection. I want success, not struggle. I want the easy and comfortable.

So often I close my eyes to the difficult and stop up my ears to hard truth.

God calls me to that which is opposite to my very nature. He calls me to what I can only do through Him. Leaning on Him. Pressing into Him. Bowing before Him.

Peter, James and John came down from the mountain that day, and in the days ahead would witness God’s ways. His mysterious, misunderstood ways. His glorious ways.

Messiah has come. His name is Jesus. He indeed conquered. And we are victorious through Him.

Thanks be to God!

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”  ”O death where is your victory?  O death where is your sting?”  The sting of death is sin and the power of sin is the law.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57

The words leap off the page and come alive before me. I have read them a hundred times over the years, but this time they take on a new dimension.

I read them again aloud and my voice breaks for the beauty…

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Romans 5:1-2

Such incredible words…justified…peace…access. Done for us by One who offered Himself as a perfect sacrifice. To make a way for us.

For us. The far-off ones. The outsiders.

Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called “the uncircumcision” by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands—  remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.  But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility  by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.  And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone,in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.

Ephesians 2:11-22

We, who lived in the futility of our own understanding.

We, who were in darkness.

We, who had no position.

We, who could never get this life-thing right. Or do right. Or be right.

We have been given a Savior who is the Way. God’s own Son takes us by the hand and escorts us straight into the throne room of Grace. To the Father.

And by this Way we are made children of the living God. Family.

I was blessed to have a close relationship with my grandmother. We lived next door to her for most of my life. I wore a dirt path from our back door to my grandmother’s back porch. I was her constant shadow.

Most afternoons I would find her sitting in her chair, which was a perfect opportunity for me to plop down at her feet and lay my head in her lap. I would get in just the right position for her to stroke my hair and after a few minutes, all my cares would melt away.

This is the access we have with God the Father. This intimacy. This closeness. This affection. This favor.

How then does God become my Father? According to the Scriptures it is like this. Christ ‘came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power (i.e., authority) to become the sons of God’ (John 1:11, 12). You become a child of God only when you are born again. . . . Believing in [Christ], we receive a new life and nature and we become children of God. Then we can know that God is our Father; but not until then. He will also give us His Holy Spirit, ‘the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father’; and the moment we know this we can be certain that God as our Father adopts a specific attitude with respect to us. It means that, as my Father, He is interested in me, that He is concerned about me, that He is watching over me, that He has a plan and purpose with respect to me, that He is desirous always to bless and to help me. Lay hold of that; take a firm grasp of that. Whatever may happen to you, God is your Father. . . .

~ Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Studies in the Sermon on the Mount Volume 2

His door is always open. He waits for us to come and lay our heads in His lap. To melt into His embrace.

Into this scandalous, marvelous Grace.

So blessed to join Crosswalk. Won’t you come on over!

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